Of school

September 18th, 2016

Back when I was in tech school (oh god it has been so long, thank fuck) I was succesful in returning my assignments in time. At least most of them. The problem was, I was so bad at planning that I usually whipped them up the last minute. I’m not saying the quality was bad, no, I used to get ok grades, but it was just so stressful and more often than not I would actually cry because of the anxiety.

This time around I thought about doing things differently.

We were given two quite big (at least i think they’re big) assignments to produce for two different courses. The deadline for both of them is October 14th. Now, if I were still the same kind of student I used to be, I would’ve just fretted over them and not do anything about them until maybe October 10th. But as I feel like I’ve matured (like a good wine, as they say, i wouldn’t know about wines, the vulgar that i am) I took a look at what was asked and divided them into smaller sections. And – here’s the thing- I planned times for each section well in advance.

I know, how grown up and responsible from me. But get this: I got so excited for my grown-up’edness that I went on and finished the first assignment two weeks in advance. And therefore I can re-plan the other assignment in a much looser way.

I hope I can keep up with this method. It’ll save me a lot of sweat and a lot of tears. And a lot of anxiety.

(how much do you want to bet come spring term i’ll be lying face down on the floor surrounded by overdue assignments, brownie crumbs stuck to my face, not sure if it’s wednesday or sunday, waiting for the sweet release of death)



Record store

September 14th, 2016

When I was about twelve or thirteen, a new record shop was opened in my hometown. Before that we’d had to buy our records from either the supermarket (which had a pitiful variety of music) or go to Sweden, to our neighbouring town of Haparanda, where there was a dedicated store.

So the store opened and the owner was a guy who I already were sort of familiar with, because he was with the local DJ company as a lighting tech. The store was on the basement floor of the mall and the first record I bought there was Maggie Reilly’s album Echoes. It was a start of a wonderful friendship, let me tell you.

When the store moved to ground floor after a couple of years, I started to really hang around in there and got friendly with the owner. I mean I would just go there and talk, not even buy anything. I would listen to a lot of albums and just spend time in there. I wasn’t one of the popular kids, as I’ve told you a million times in a million stories, so I had a lot of time to spend elsewhere than parties and such. By the time I was sixteen, making some money of my own, I was buying a lot of records. Whatever he didn’t have in and I wanted, he would order. I bought a lot of U2 records, the back catalogue that I didn’t have at the time and I made my love for the band so clear that I was nicknamed just U2. I would call the owner and introduce myself as U2 and he would know who I was. I even used my first debit card ever the first time ever there, on purpose and he made it a spectacle to the amusement of not just me and him, but also every other patron in there at the time. He even signed the receipt “U2” so I wouldn’t have to (yes there were times when you had to sign a receipt and not just punch in pincodes, i know, try to understand this was the dark ages with dragons and inquisition).

By the time I was nineteen and still hanging about in the store (i know, i was a complete geek), U2 came out with Pop. The owner ordered in every one of the singles released in every version he could get his hands on, stacking them behind the counter for me to pick up. If I didn’t have money at the moment he would write my purchases down and I would pay him later. I was that frequent of a customer.

It was a magical time and I have only later realized how special of a place it was for me. I miss those days a lot. But they came to an end because people basically stopped buying physical copies of music and instead started downloading it. That was the end of my record store, much like it must’ve been for a lot of record stores in Finland and indeed around the world.

But it was my world, my happy place, my salvation from a lot of gloomy days I would’ve spent on my own.

And I miss it. A lot.



Randomness, pt. infinity

September 10th, 2016

I’m fed up with running. At least fed up with running around the same track over and over again. I know I could be doing the tarmac, but my legs really don’t feel up to it. I tried it once and you know what, 1/10 cannot recommend. So today I went (even if i didn’t feel like it at first, but i ate a lot of pancakes and felt disproportionally guilty about it, so eh) and just pissed off to a different, a lot shorter round. I felt really good about it, so even if it means less calories burnt, I will run that shorter route until I get bored of that as well. Also with school schitt and all, it’s much easier to fit a half-hour run to my ridiculously busy schedule than a full hour.

I’ve been trying out a day-per-page planning style. I’m liking it so far. I’m having a go at the personal sized planner and it seems like I could make it work. If I decide to get the inserts from Filofax, I’m sort of worried about Saturdays and Sundays being on the same page, because I have up until now given a whole page for each of them too. I mean I keep a foodlog, to do -lists and all appointments and stuff in it, so it might get a bit crammed during the weekends. I kinda would like to switch to the personal size mostly because it would fit better in my bag, but then again, I have the pocket sized planner doubling as a wallet and that’s always with me. I’m not convinced I could fill up the a5 size with day per page, but on the other hand there would be plenty of space if there happens to be a lot of shit going on. *sigh* decisions, decisions. Luckily I have a few months until next year to try out both sizes and see how it turns out.

I’ve been to the shrink and my medication was reduced. Still no clue about the effects, because I went to the chemist to fill the perscription and they didn’t have my pills on them. So I have to wait until like Tuesday so they’ll get them in and then I’ll be on just about the smallest dose of anti-psychotics you can be. I’m looking forward to it, I think my lost writing mojo is due to the pills. And a bunch of other things too. So yay for that. I wish maybe down the line when I’ll be better at recognizing my triggers, I could go totally drug-free.

School has started at full force now and I still feel a bit confused about everything that is going on. Or rather everything I am supposed to remember to do, like enroll for classes (this was new compared to tech school) and what not. I have classes on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights mainly, and come mid-November, also on Saturdays. I’m quite fine with that so far, the only thing bothering me is how to fit my exercises in there. I’ve had to dump combat already, because it’s on Tuesday nights. I would have a lot of time during the daytime, but I have B, so that’s off the limits on most days. I’m however determined to manage two times at gym and at least one run per week in there somewhere.

But yea. This is what’s going on at the moment. I’m also rewatching The Killing, because Stephen Holder is my absolute favourite character in television ever. <3



Shit on Sundays – pt. x

September 4th, 2016

1. What language, beside your native language, would you like to learn/be fluent in? Serbocroatian.
2. How many pairs of shoes do you have? Not that many. Like maybe ten? And none of them are posh.
3. Whats the last compliment you got? Husband probably said I was pretty.
4. Whats your favorite quote at the moment? I don’t stop when I’m tired, I stop when I’m done.
5. What does your name mean? I have absolutely no idea.
6. Music taste? I’d say ‘pop’ would be quite accurate short description.
7. Do you have any social media sites? Yea. Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr.
8. What is your favorite food? I love Indian food.
9. Age? Almost thirty-eight. So yea, I’m technically already a mummy.
10. Birthday? October 18
11. Favorite drink? If water doesn’t count, then tea.
12. Current drama? Well, school is a big drama, so that.
13. If you were a Pokemon, what would your name be and what would you look like? Rikachu, and I’d be pink and purple.
14. Cats or dogs? I’m allergic to both, but I kinda prefer dogs.
15. Do you have freckles? Yea.
16. Who is your style crush? I have no idea. James May? 😀
17. Favorite candle scent or scent in general? Favourite scent is the woods in the autumn.
18. Do you have any weird obsessions? Ehm. What’s weird and what’s not…
19. Do you still watch cartoons? Yea, with the kid mostly. Molang the Bunny is super!
20. Do you like wearing slippers? Not particularly.
21. Shark diving, bungee jumping or sky diving? Sky diving.
22. Fave clothing store? TeeFury.
23. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Peanut butter.
24. Do you have any phobias? Spiders.
25. What is your wardrobe color scheme? Mostly black, some army green.
26. Tea or Coffee? Tea. Coffee has become my enemy.
27. Favorite clothing item? Green Asgard Tricksters t-shirt.
28. What would your dream bedroom look like? Spacious. Gray, white and maybe some black.
29. What were your best childhood TV shows? Jayce & The Wheeled Warriors, My Little Pony.
30. What do you always have on you? My phone.
31. What is the current temperature outside right now? 14 degrees celsius.



Smut

August 13th, 2016

I’m trying to write a one-shot, but I’m getting fuck all done.

I’ve been going at it for three days and I’ve gotten down a page. Of shitty, clumsy text that doesn’t flow. It’s not like I’m not used to writing sexy times, it’s just that it doesn’t seem to come together (probably no pun intented). I’m not even seeing it like I usually do when writing really anything. I see a scene like a film and then I just write it. Now it’s just like then he did this and then she did that. Where the fuck has my mojo gone?

I know I should just write it as badly as it comes out and edit later, but if I already know that by editing I would mean re-writing the whole shit, then what’s the point.


i don’t get the point



maybe tea will help

Spoiler alert: it won’t.

But I might still try.