Archive for the ‘From the intarwebbs’ Category

Blog challenge, episode 2

Wednesday, April 11th, 2018

Describe three legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears

1. Spiders
I know the exact time my dislike for spiders became a fear. I mean I can’t tell you the time and date, but I can tell the exact moment when it happened. It was way back in the glorious eighties, when I was around eight years old and was playing in my friend’s house. (there’s a whole another story about these friends, their house and how i was not supposed to play with them according to their mother, but that will have to wait) My friend had a few of those soft, plastic BIG (as big as my hand and then some) insect figures you can buy even today (i would ban them for causing irreplacable damage and emotional suffering to people but that’s just me), one of them was an ant I believe and there was a beetle of some sorts as well. And there was a black and white spider, one of those hairy legged ones and it still gives me the creeps to just think about it. It was fucking huge, I’m not joking, fucking monumental in size. And then I was climbing upstairs because I’d gone to the bathroom and my friend, she’s behind the staircase railing in the upper hall and she yells at me and I turn and she tosses the bloody spider at me and it just fucking slaps right in the middle of my face, like a fucking facehugger from Alien. I can still remember seeing it approaching me and it still makes me want to cry. And cry I did back then too, hysterically. For a good while too. And from there on I haven’t just disliked spiders, but fucking feared them.

2. Fear of not being able to write
I have no idea when this became a fear of mine. I suspect it was around the time when I started going to therapy and understood that writing is not only my escape from reality that can sometimes get a bit much for me, but it’s also a way for me to dissect my actual feelings and find solutions to my problems. I’ve had episodes in my life where I have been medicated out of my writing habit and that didn’t go too well. Even though I was feeling seemingly better and smoother thanks to the drug, it made me feel very uneasy and sort of … ready to burst at any minute because I wasn’t writing. I couldn’t, all of my senses were so numbed so I couldn’t find the words and couldn’t find the soul of it all, you know. I couldn’t find me under all that medication. This is why I’m getting into journaling little by little, just so that I can write regularly about me, and not process mself through fictional characters, because while that’s relieving and creative and I find immense joy in it, it still isn’t properly solving my shit, the way journaling is. I feel like I don’t, at the ripe age of 39, even know myself that deeply, because I’ve drowned myself under a thick layer of fictional characters. Yikes, I’m digressing again. So yea, fear of not being able to write is genuinelly a legitimate fear of mine.

3. Fear of going deaf
Throughout my teenage years that were stormy and all of it a big turmoil, much like it is for any teenager out there, I found a lot of comfort in music. It was literally U2’s Achtung Baby and Simple Minds’ Real Life that kept me hanging on for so many days and so many nights. And they stuck with me, through the onset of my bipolar disorder, through years of trying to find what it was that I want to do in life and ever until these days, where I’m still as lost about what my place and purpose in this life is, music is the one constant that anchors me to real life and pulls me away from my existential crisis. And so fear of not being able to hear, to me, is almost crippling. I know there are a lot of people who are deaf and live perfectly good lives and I’m in no way implying that their lives somehow lack anything, it’s just that to me, I have no problem with literally any of the other aspects of being deaf, but the thought of not hearing music like I have heard it, is terrifying. So that’s the thirrd one of my fears.

And thus ends the second episode of a blog challenge I took up.

Blog challenge, episode 1

Saturday, January 27th, 2018

List 20 random facts about yourself.

I feel that sometimes lists such as this slip to bragging territory, but I’m trying not to be that person. And yes, I realise I have a whole section of basically random facts about me, but I’m trying to think of something new.

-I love pens. I’m always looking for the perfect pen and quite recently I think I’ve found my favourite. It’s Pilot Frixion point 0.5, and it comes in a few colours. I’m quite sure I don’t need all of the colours, but will end up buying them anyways. And probably three black ones.

-I have a stack of ringbound planners in three sizes. I know I don’t need that many, because I only use my trusted a5 size (i mean come on, who can fit everything into a personal size?) but in my defence nearly all of them were purchased half or 75% off.

-I also have a traveler’s notebook, a cheap-arse mock one, but I still do and I just bought myself a Nuuna dot grid huuuuge notebook for bullet journaling purposes, even if I’ve tried it and didn’t like it. So now that beauty is basically just sitting on top of my desk and doing nothing. Except looking pretty.

-I haven’t had a regular skin care routine until this past christmas, when I got a set with cleanser, toner and two creams (day and night ones, naturally). I’m only stating this as a fact, with no emotional attachment to it.

-if I had to choose one activity that I would do in my spare time for the rest of my life, I’d have pretty fucking awful job deciding between writing, running and driving. I think I would choose driving, for the zen-like nature of it that I’ve gotten used to as years go by. I mean I can get peace of mind by running, but driving is my drug.

-talking of which, I used to do a lot of designated driver shit when I was younger and lying to myself about being social. At one point I calculated (for the sake of passing time) how many different makes and models of cars I’ve driven and it went to about seventy-ish then. It must be at least fifteen or twenty more now. So I think I can firmly say I’ve driven all sorts of cars. (i realise this is starting to venture to the brag-territory)

-I’m trying to read a bit more this year than the last, but I can’t seem to be able to concentrate on books. I’m hoping that it’s the genre that is putting me off. I’ve read mostly detective novels lately (hello harry hole) and I think I’m sort of so used to their format that trying to read sci-fi novels is such a different experience in comparison. I used to love my sci-fi, the classic ones, Arthur C. Clarke, Fred Hoyle and then some sort of horror hybrids. And yes, I do still love them, but I can’t commit to them, at least not at the moment.

-I love small (and a bit bigger) cosmetic bags and pouches. I have a bunch of them and I actually use quite a lot of the ones in my possession. They’re very handy when you’re changing hand-bags as frequently as many people do socks. To be honest tho, I do have a bunch of pouches I’ve not used once, and some that I’ve used only a little. But they’re a minority.

-I’m also a big hoarder of small baskets. Don’t even ask the number of Branäs -baskets in my house. It’s much like with pouches: I find them useful and buy a bunch, put stuff in it and forget about it. Then I’m doing my annual round of rummage through all your shit and throw half of it away and shit goes to tip and I’m left with extra baskets.

-I have a big stash of bracelets and wristbands. I usually wear the same combo for obscene amount of time and then change the whole lot. Last year it was paracord bracelets and leather cuffs, this year it’s black plastic sort of pearls with charms. I’m the person who adds one to each wrist every four to five weeks, end up with seventy-six million on each and then stripping them all off and starting again.

-I dye my hair a lot. I’ve started since I was maybe fourteen? and haven’t had my natural colour since then. To be honest I don’t even know what colour my hair is at this point. It might even be a little grey at parts, who knows. I’m partial to darker colours, because I feel myself more of a brunette than a blonde, but I’m not against any colour. I’ve had pretty much every colour there is, aside from grey, because my hair type is such that if I dye it silvery grey, it’ll turn into the colour of seagull shit in two weeks.

-I drink a lot of tea. About this time last year I made an order online for 1100 bags of Tetley’s tea and 1200 bags of Yorkshire tea. I mean, at the time there was not one single shop in Finland that sold Yorkshire. Now there is one supermarket chain that carries it, but the price is fucking ridiculous. I’m still drinking my 2300 bags, but I’m starting to feel a bit worried for the amount of Yorkshire left. By no means am I a snob when it comes to tea, but I admit I am a bit picky over my bags. And yes, I prefer bags since I don’t drink many mugs at once, and I can do without the hassle of loose leaf, thank you very much. Also: green tea is the stuff of Satan.

-lately, for maybe about half a year, I’ve been getting more and more into veggie based diet. I mean I have nothing against eating meat in itself, but I feel like I feel better without eating a lot of it. And to be quite frank, I don’t even like red meat that much. I have a bunch of friends (almost all of them) who always order a steak at a restaurant, because mmm yummy medium plus steak and I’m like uhhh, I’ll have the veggie main, or the chicken. I’m in no way a snob about this either, I’m not pushing my way of eating to anyone, and I don’t even intend going vegan or even totally meat-free. I just… I guess I like my veggies better.

-I don’t have a lot of handbags, I think. I mean I’m not sure how many people normally have, but I have like maybe a dozen? But before you get alarmed or scream at me for thinking that’s not a lot, let me tell you quite a few of those are bags shaped like a sheep (i’ve used that many times, but it’s sort of small-ish for everyday use) or shaped like a seal cub (it has a see-through plastic ‘belly’ and i’ve used it when going out for a bender). Quite a few of them are army surplus bags that are very practical, but not very … beautiful. I mean I like them, I’ve always been a big fan of army green colour. And none of the bags are fancy, or even brand name bags.

-as a person living this high up on the parallels, I know I should be somewhat fluent in winter sports. Like skiing. But god almighty how much I hate it. I want to like it, I want to ski, but I get blisters in my feet and I get sweaty and achy in no time at all and it all boils down to a big complain-fest anywhere between 100-300 meters. I suspect this is because I can’t ski, I don’t have the right technique. Down-hill skiing, or slalom as it was known somewhere in the dark ages, now that is my kind of skiing. You put two planks (yes two, shut up all you boarders you have two legs, you use two separate planks) on your feet, let machinery pull you on top of a hill and let gravity take you down. That’s proper skiing.

-talking about sports, a few years ago I got into Les Mills BodyCombat and haven’t been the same since. I love it, I love the feeling of being drenched in sweat and kicking and screaming your frustrations out to pumping music.

-I also love running, as I mentioned before. I don’t know what it is about it, but after the first 3-400 meters you get your breathing in check and your form right and you get your flow on and could run for ages. I only run during summers, because my lungs cannot take running in cold weather, so I have to sort of start again every spring, but so far it’s been magic. I love it, I can’t think of a better way to exercise.

-I bought a shotgun when I was studying first year at tech school. I bought it with my first batch of student loan, lol, money spent right where it was meant to. It’s a Remington 870 pump-action, a classic. I’ve hunted, for birds, a few times, but I just sort of lost interest in shooting live things, so I’ve been shooting at range. I’m not a great shot, but that’s because my practise is non-existant. I should go more, but I’ve somehow just put ot off.

-I’m a big stationary hauler. I’m loving pretty much everything from Kikki.K, and I do spend way more than I should on notebooks that I never use. I also like office supplies, and I’m about thisclose to admitting I may have a serious problem with this whole hoarding thing.

-altho, notebooks do come in handy when making lists. I love making lists. I make lists of literally everything. Shopping lists, duh, but to-do lists of every sort, lists of chores, lists of favourite things, favourite songs… I mean if I started on bullet journaling, I’m not sure there’d be room left for anything else but collections and lists.

Yea. That’s twenty then, ay? Was there anything new for you? Was anything surprising?

Challenge

Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

Ok so there’s a Fassbender birthday challenge going on on Twitter and somewhat in Instagram as well. I’m way too chatty to be posting the steps over either, so I thought why not utilize a blog when one has one. Also, you lot don’t give two shits anyway what I post about and you can just easily go ‘meh’ and close the window and come back later to see if I’ve blabbered something else. So, here we go.

#HappyBirthdayFassy & #FassyBirthdayChallenge

1. Favourite Fassy movie – Urgh. A tie? Between Assassin’s Creed, Macbeth and X-Men: First Class? I mean I have such feelings for Erik Lehnsherr it’s not even funny. Also, are we talking about favourite performances, like what’s the best performance? Because then either Shame or 12 Years a Slave.
2. Favourite Fassy look – Cannes 2015 Macbeth photocall, no question.


3. Favourite Fassy photoshoot – Either the one I half-inched the photo for the post below this one or indeed the John Russo shoot for Twentieth Century Fox at the end of 2016.
4. Favourite Fassy co-star – James McAvoy. They have such chemistry both on screen and off it’s just incredible. Perfect casting for Charles and Erik. I love how they are two giant dorks.
5. Favourite Fassy director – Gah. I mean I love Steve McQueens stuff, I love how he uses super long scenes and he has this incredible sense of aesthetic, but mate, Justin Kurzel is my favourite. He’s a visionary genious, I’m telling you. I mean:

6. Favourite Fassy moment – This:


7. Favourite things about Fassy – He seems to not take himself too seriously. I mean sure he takes his job pretty seriously, but like… not in interviews and shit. He’s not afraid to be a big, dumb dork.
8. Fassy collection – A few films on dvd/blu-ray, an Assassin’s Creed poster and a lot of pictures and videos on my hard drive. I’m not really into collecting stuff, other than films and pictures in digital form.
9. Favourite red carpet moment – Probably the London premiere of X-Men: Days of Future Past. With Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart. Yea, that.
10. Why am I a Fassinator – Firstly, I hate the word. I hate fandom names. I don’t know why, but they make me dry heave. But why am I a fan? Because he’s probably the most talented actor of my generation. And he seems like a cool guy. And he’s not hard on the eyes either.

Dear…

Friday, January 27th, 2017

I know I should be writing my review (haha, ‘review’) on Assassin’s Creed, but to tell you the truth, I’m still so fucking pumped about it that it would end up being nothing but caps and screaming and exclamation points. So I’ll skip that and instead do this. I snuffed this from Instagram actually and thought it would be sort of fun to do. Thing is to write a sentence to all in the list. Here goes.

Dear ex, I hope you step on legos, you fucking wet toaster. (this starts out non-aggressive, go me)
Dear self, why tho?
Dear mom, I love you very much and never, ever grow up.
Dear dad, I love you too very much.
Dear crush, you’re a shark, eat me ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).
Dear school, *flips a double two-finger salute*
Dear sibling, I love you and I hope you find happiness.
Dear past me, why did you say no that one time you imbecile?
Dear first love, I don’t think it was love at all.
Dear future me, I apologize profusely.
Dear best friend, could you like live closer?
Dear future child, who is non-existent, as present one will suffice, I… I’m so lost now who am I talking to where’s my cologne.
Dear person I hate, you can go fuck yourself with a trumpet.
Dear person I love, I’m sorry I put you through so much with my non-functioning fucking brain, I wouldn’t blame you if you left me.
Dear ex best friend, I still miss you and I hope we could fix things, but I guess we can’t.
Dear people who hate me, NAHAA suckers, I’m going to continue living and being a constant fucking delight out of pure spite.
Dear boy/girlfriend, you are gay and you live on the other side of the world but I love you so much it sometimes hurts.

Spam comments

Thursday, October 27th, 2016

I’m glad Akismet is a bloody good spam-slayer, I’m spared of all the shit there is. I sometimes do however amuse myself reading the spam comments in the rubbish bin before sending them to oblivion.

Writing manually is time consuming, but there is tool for this task
Well yes, it’s called a keyboard. I already use it.

They may have happen to be spread on the subject of cargo area from a flower bouquet in the last in years past previous to there were clearly many compe .
Ehm… fire advise goggle to you too, dear sir or madam.

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Me too, bot, me too.