Archive for the ‘Music’ Category

Iridescent

Friday, July 21st, 2017

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure’s all you’ve known
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go
Let it go

I’m absolutely devastated about Chester Bennington. I cannot process this at present. Linkin Park was a big part of my life at a point when everything fell apart. It’s partly because Hybrid Theory that I’m here today. Jesus this hurts.

Song of the Week – Come Undone

Saturday, April 29th, 2017

I usually have a good backstory on my picks for the song of the week. This time I don’t. I can only remember that the first time I heard this song, I was overwhelmed by it. It was like a punch to the chest, or a dull knife to your skin. It hurt so much I think I cried. I’m sure I cried the next few times tho. And I’ve cried a lot of times listening to this song. The hurt tho, it’s not a bad one, not anymore.

Around when this song was published and put in rotation on MTV, there were some god-awful times going on in my life. Or maybe I’m just associating it with those god-awful times, because I used to listen to this to distract myself from the acute pain and focus on the pain the song was giving.

I do remember having this song taped (we had MTV through cable and somehow through our radio and i can’t figure out how, but it wasn’t like everything on tv was going through there, no, maybe it was an official broadcast? fuck if i know) on a red and black Maxwell tape, 60 minutes one. It was Ordinary World and Come Undone from a short bit called 3 from 1 and I cannot for the life of me remember what the third one was, but obviously I didn’t like it, because I didn’t record it. But there it was and I played both of the songs so many times I think the tape eventually wore out.

I forgot all about the song for years, really, until I heard it on a radio again like maybe six years ago. And felt the same pain I did before. Only this time it was laced with that dusty, grey layer of something that is not quite nostalgia, but something akin. Maybe a longing for the olden days, where you think everything in the world was better. And it really was. But just not with you.

Song of the week, after so many weeks it’s embarrassing, Duran Duran – Come Undone.

U2 and why it hurts

Wednesday, March 15th, 2017

My lovely Peej from tumblr started a project in which she collects little snippets out of U2 songs, she calls them aphorisms and I call them snippets, because I’m a vulgar. She says

I don’t know if all of these can really be considered aphorisms. To me, some of them are kind of prayerful, some are little epiphanies, and some are bitter observations.

And I’m here for these. I’m so here for these, because this one time, a long time ago (in a galaxy far far away) I bought the newly released album How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb and I listened to it a lot. A LOT. I remember driving around a few nights, crying like a lost child (for matters unrelated to U2) and listening to mostly a song called A Man and A Woman. Yea I know, what a shitty title. There’s a part of the lyric that goes

The only pain is to feel nothing at all
How can I hurt when I’m holding you?

and when you first listen to it (is this a good time to remind you guys that lyrics are the last part of a song that i pay attention to? well) you think oh, that’s nice, he feels so much for her that it’s a ridiculous idea to feel any pain holding her. And that’s what I thought of it, because that’s what the rest of the lyrics imply. Until one sleepless night (one of several, i remember) I sat at my desk, probably reading something stupid or writing something stupid or generally doing something stupid, when it hit me. The other way of reading that bit of lyric. Like it is an actual question, how can I hurt when I’m holding you? How is it possible that I’m hurting when I’m holding you. That other way. And I fucking lost it, I was lying on the floor, holding on to the carpet, trying not to drown in my feels. Because really, have you ever felt so hollow, so numb that you felt nothing? Imagine feeling like that when you hold someone you thought you loved. I mean… fuck.

Anyways, on the first list of Peej’s aphorisms (the one before wasn’t, these are) are a few lines that may or may not end up as tattoos on my toilet wall of a skin. The first one is again from A Man and A Woman. (peej even dedicated this to me, i mean really, how awesome are my internet people? they get me, ya feel me?)

When the soul wants, the soul waits.

This is very personal to me, it hits home so devastatingly hard. I will not in any circumstances tell how or why, but it just does. It’s gut-wrenching and my heart feels like it’s being food-processed, but it’s important to me.

The other that is very particular to me is from City of Blinding Lights (another favourite of mine from How to Dismantle)

I’ve seen you walk unafraid.

It’s really a callout for myself. I used to be so unafraid, I used to be outgoing and social and all that. And I’m not anymore. I’m afraid all of the time that I’m not enough, or that I’m too much. I used to be so unapologetically me, the muppet that I am. But now? It seems like everytime I get excited about things, I’m the only one and I get these dubious looks from everyone (except my internet people) and I find myself wanting to just live as a recluse in my home. When did I start caring? When did I start giving a fuck? I want to see myself walking unafraid again. I need to see myself walking unafraid again.

There are a few other lines, not on her list (not yet at least) that are very, very meaningful to me. One of my absolute favourites is

When I was all messed up
And I had opera in my head
Your love was a light bulb
Hanging over my bed

from Ultra Violet. A lyric that has saved my life from a song that has saved my life from the album that has saved my life. All the darkness that was surrounding me and the one light in there, the one that kept me going, the one that held me through it all.

There’s

I love you ’cause I need to, not because I need you

from Luminous Times and it fucking makes me weep. Once again, very personal on a very core level. It’s a fundamental truth I once realised about myself and that’s all I have to say about that.

And if I could tattoo the feeling that the song The Unforgettable Fire gives me, I would. I can feel my fucking soul ascending hearing that song. It’s hope after despair, it’s a light in the dark, it’s forgiveness after you’ve fucked up everything.

And these are among the reasons that U2 hurts so bad, yet so good. If you’ve never loved a band passionately, you won’t be able to understand this.

But if you have, you do.

Shit on Sundays – musical asks cont.

Sunday, March 5th, 2017

31. a song you wish your parents didn’t know the words to I don’t really think I’m of that age anymore.
32. a song whose lyrics shocked you once you were old enough to understand them This has nothing to do with age in my case, I never pay attention to words the first few times I hear a song. But yea, I was quite amused (not shocked really) when I realised what the lyrics to Britney Spears’s Touch of My Hand (yes, i’m that thick the title really says it all, doesn’t it? lol) were. I quite like that song, still.
33. a song you have ZERO patience for It’s basically every song from a Finnish band called Mamba. Kids, don’t try it.
34. a song you’d like your favorite artist to cover Oh wow. Maybe Sound of Silence? And in case you were wondering, it would be by U2.
35. a great song you discovered thanks to a movie It’s a cover, Running up that Hill by Track & Field. It’s a long story, but let’s just say it’s to do with Avengers.
36. a great song you discovered thanks to television Does Netflix series count as television? Yea it does. Kettering by The Antlers and Sense8.
37. a song you’re ashamed to have in your music library Journey – Separate Ways.
38. ok what’s the song you were too ashamed to even post for #37 Nickelback – Photograph
39. the most played song in your music library Hold on let me check lastfm… Unsurprisingly Simple Minds – Bittersweet. That song is like crack to me.
40. favorite disney song Shocking reveal: I don’t really know Disney songs. Yea I know, truly shocking. Can You feel the Love Tonight, maybe? Oh no wait! The one that the mice sing in Cinderella, the original one, you know.

Shit on Sundays – music cont.

Sunday, January 15th, 2017

21. a song that you could SLAY at karaoke Caravan by Kitaro & Pages. Like you wouldn’t fucken believe.
22. a song you can’t help but dance to Sexyback by Justin Timberlake. Literally everywhere I happen to be when this comes on.
23. a song that makes you want to dance on a table Moon Kuu by Timi Lexicon (a finnish rap artist)
24. a song that makes you wanna STRIP Justify My Love by Madonna. That song is just pure porn.
25. a song with a great music video California Love by Dre and who ever there was. But yeah, that.
26. a song that makes you act out the music video when you hear it Who Do You Think You Are by Spice Girls.
27. a song with counting Vertigo by U2. Uno, dos, tres, catorce!
28. a song with spelling Shopping by Pet Shop Boys. Look at me, 80’s kid!
29. a song with lots of clapping Never Leave You by Lumidee. Jesus that song has some serious beats.
30. a song 40 years older than you Like my age + 40 years? Jesus. Jeepers Creepers by Johnny Mercer. This is literally the only one I could recognize because I had to google and oh lordy I am so old.