Archive for the ‘Important’ Category

Presented without title

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2016

On 29th of February 1996, 20 years ago, the seige of Sarajevo ended. I will get into what the whole war in the Balkans meant to me, as a bystander in a faraway land, later. I can’t at this moment.

I’m just gonna leave this here, as a reminder what hate will get you. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be over at the corner crying my eyes out.

Bosnia 1992-1995 from ziyah gafic on Vimeo.

Life saver

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2016

I was supposed to be telling you (three) a different story alltogether, but this is more urgent.

It’s been at least a few months since I’ve last told you how much U2 means to me. It’s a story told seven trillion times, but it’s relevant again. When I’m having tough times U2 appears, always, until the end of time, to make me understand that living is a viable option.

I can’t tell you how many nights in my twenties I spent lying on the floor crying, trying to hold on to the rug with both hands just to feel something other than crushing pain, trying to feel connected to the world, trying not to just fade away. And in the darkest of hours, there was U2, there was Achtung Baby. And there was Bono.

Telling me to take the cup, to fill it up and to drink it slow, because neither of us could let the other go. Telling me over and over and over again, to light his way (baby, baby, baby). Calling out to me with the same desperation I was calling out to him. And even if I was only holding on to the cliff with one finger anymore, tired of everything, of it all, ready to let go, he would be there with his ‘love, love love’, and I knew I had to hold on. For just a bit longer.

Because it’s always darkest before dawn and the dawn was coming. He promised me that.

And I believed it.

I still believe it.

Birthday

Monday, October 19th, 2015

Wow, another year has gone by. I’m now 37.

What I love about my birthday is that I share it with a special person. Somewhere around 12, maybe 13 years ago when I was just starting my career as a serendipitous blogger of all things nonsense, way back in the days of Ghostranch Hills I believe, or maybe even Motorcycle Emptiness 1.0, I happened to blog jump from I don’t even remember whose blog to a blog that was updated rather more frequently than mine. I started to read it, every day and finally I dared to comment on some of the posts. And he started to visit my blog of nonsense and comment there.

And a while later I found out that the blogger was born on the same day as me, only three years earlier. I was blown away, because nobody ever had the same birthday as me. Except this guy. And that I accidentally happened to bump into him in the vastness that was the internet. These were the days before social media, the happier times where everyone owned a domain and had a blog.

We became friends, staying up in ridiculous hours talking rubbish and not-so-rubbish over Messenger (yes it truly was a different time). Sharing the most important and secret things about our lives, sometimes crying, but usually laughing so hard I’m surprised neither of us literally burst. There were times I felt so alone in the world, but then, at two-thirteen-am there was a tiny ‘bling’ that told me my friend had come online and life seemed a little less exhausting.

And so here we are, about 13 years (who’s counting anyway) later, me and him are SHOUTING WITH CAPITALS TO EACHOTHER on Facebook at this time of the year (and sometimes other times too), waging gif wars and being dorky. Because we’re twinsies, fangirls, crackheads. We have the October 18th syndrome, it just makes us like this.

Johnnie.
You make my life a better life to live.
I hope we’ll be shouting at eachother on our 105th (and 108th) birthday.
I love you.

New year…

Wednesday, January 1st, 2014

…new fuckery.

Last year summed up was… I don’t even know. It was Reedus and Hiddleston, it was mental illness highs and lows, medication that worked and didn’t work, employment and unemployment.

It was a year of complete What The Everloving Christ on a Pan of Motherfucking Jam.

I’ve made no resolutions, because I firmly believe that new year’s resolutions are the biggest form of self-deprecation ever and I will elaborate on that per request.

All I’m going to promise myself is, that from now on, I will try to love me more. I tend to be too hard on myself in so many regards it’s not even funny anymore. I’ve found a way to ease the pain of the massive craving for… well, to simply put it: life, that overcomes my mind at times. It’s not a good way and it’s not a way I’d recommend to anyone, but I’ve found a way and it works for the moment. I shall therefore implement it and refuse to feel bad about it, because if anything, life up until this point has taught me that one should never apologize for the things that make one survive. Survive.

And I will try to remember that we all have two lives. The second one starts when we realize that we only have one.

For the shitty days

Friday, December 27th, 2013

Look, I’m the first one to admit that I’m a horny fangirl. But other than that I do appreciate the talent of one Mr. Hiddleston. Seriously, he’s not just a pretty face, he’s a properly talented actor. And because the talent, his face, his impeccable sense of style and his unbelievable ability to eye-fuck aren’t enough, there are these things:

I am an optimist. I choose to be. There is a lot of darkness in our world, there is a lot of pain and you can either choose to see that or you can choose to see the joy. If you try to respond positively to the world, you’ll spend your time better.

Sometimes I just don’t know whether to punch him in the face or give him a hug.

I just needed to have this in here too, where I can always find it.