Archive for the ‘Shut up Rika’ Category

State of the Nation – May edition

Wednesday, May 24th, 2017

Hey hi hello all you (two).
I thought I had something to say, but I don’t? Hence a collection of things that have happened during my abscense.

-School shit is over for this spring, thank fuck, as I was getting way too stressed with it anyway. Only thing now is to wait for grades. Not really holding my breath as some of the teachers are notoriously bad at getting the grades up before way too late.

-I’ve gotten my motorbike out for this season. Took bloody long enough, I’d say. But it’s been a weird-ass spring anyway. Up until like two weeks ago there was still a shitton of snow on the ground and more pouring from the sky. As of now it looks like it’s not going to snow until autumn. (watch me crash and burn with that)

-I’m not even gonna start with the state of my mental health, because no. Just… no.

-I went to see Song to Song last month. I haven’t said anything about it, because it was shit. Two hours well wasted. I mean, Fassy looked like a fucking god in it, just like Natalie Portman did, but my god it was boring. BOOORINNGGGG. Funny enough, everyone, literally everyone else in the theater agreed with me on that. So yea, time and money completely wasted. The nuts I had were good tho, so meh.

-I went to see Alien: Covenant just the other day (last saturday actually) and that one wasn’t boring. I’m not a huge fan of the Alien franchise and I don’t have any kind of emotional attachement to any of the films, so I can’t say how it was in relation to those, but I have seen Prometheus and I liked that one. I sort of think maybe Prometheus and Covenant shouldn’t be graded as sequels (or indeed in this case) prequels of the Alien films, because they’re more like… I don’t know, spin-offy? Me, as a big fan of entertaining (and perhaps a bit dumb) action films was left a bit underwhelmed by the action bits of Covenant. Yea, it looked good, but like, Xenomorph? not really that scary. I don’t know if it was meant to be scary (it was tagged as a horror film in finland, in addition to sci-fi and suspence i guess) but the film wasn’t really horror. I should know, I hate horror these days. I was honestly more intrigued by the bits where David 8 went on about creation and philosophy. I could’ve watched that way longer. But yea, money well spent, time well spent and also chocolate I ate was good.

-I’m writing, still, despite being not-manic (i don’t honestly know what i am, besides fucked-up), having a bit of a breather from my Main Story at the moment and just revving my gears on an AU, which is more of bits and pieces collection type of thing. I don’t plan it to be a big story, it doesn’t have enough substance for such. But yea, still writing, which is nice.

-I’ve put up my crafting pages, but there’s still a load of crap to upload and write posts about and maybe even get into making something after the loooongest tiiiime ever. I miss having my fingers glued up and covered in glitter. And I sort of miss trying out new shit with my sewing machine. And I sort of have a ton of things saved up on Pinterest, so there’s much to try there too. But I must not stress myself with any of this, because honestly

-I have gotten my running shoes out also, after a long and gruelling winter of not doing much in terms of exercise. I’m in a terrible shape, but I’m leaning (again) on the Couch to 5K -app I have on my phone. I’m currently doing week 3 and I’ll be nicely done by the time we’ll leave for London.

-yea by the way me and husband unit are GOING TO LONDON! yay! I’m meeting up with my pal Adam and just breathing in some nice smoggy air of that shitty town that I love so much. It’s not a long trip, only a couple of days but you gotta take what you can. So yea, London, I will be in you in less than six weeks.

And that’s about it for now.

Coding sucks

Tuesday, April 25th, 2017

I mean it certainly does when you’ve not done it properly in ages. And by ages I mean since like 2009? Maybe? I’ve just relied on copy & paste pretty much (make no mistake, i will do that from now on as well as much as i please because fuck you, that’s why). Or maybe it’s just that my attic is so damn dusty at the moment that it’s not even real. Phew. Whatever it is, I am coding. I’m trying to get my other domain online so I could maybe find the spark to do some actual craftwork. I don’t know. Maybe. I really haven’t had time nor the inspiration to touch any of my crafting shit for like a year. I haven’t touched my sewing machine in well over year, that’s for sure.

How to add three-four hours to a day? By not sleeping, that’s how.

What I am doing, succesfully, is cooking (watch me burn something in the oven right this minute). I’ve been very good now for three weeks in planning in advance what to make for lunch and tea, and then shopping for only those things I need. Saves a lot and it’s really less of a hassle when you know what you’ll be making. Instead of my usual ‘hmm, I wonder if there’s anything edible in the cupboard’ style of home keeping.

But yea. This has been a pointless post, but suffer with me.


Sunday, March 12th, 2017

I’m so fucking tired it’s not even funny anymore. My head feels like there’s permanent disc defrag going on, it’s been like this for pretty much all of this year. And you know what?


I’m just… I’m so ready to jump into a lake of fire.

I have tons of essays for school to write, I still have time, but not too much, considering the amount of work there is to be done. I have exams coming up and I literally can’t be arsed to do anything about any of them, because there are so many much more important and pressing things to be excited about. I’m just so tired of my own shit that it’s not even funny in any sort of way.

Fuck this brain, fuck this illness, fuck mania and particularly fuck everything.

Wat is this?

Monday, October 3rd, 2016

For the longest time ever I haven’t felt like writing. Like at all. I struggled to write a one-page introduction of myself and usually it takes me about three seconds to tell at considerable length how bloody good I am. And now it took me two hours to get it done. Ugh.

But the past couple of days… I started to read my old scribblings (not too old, mind you, not those embarrassingly raw snippets i’ve written when i was like fifteen, because like, no, keep them, but for fuck’s sake never read them, never ever) and I felt like I could actually write more. Like, write a sequel to Aotearoa (Karina & Tem 4eva!!! i’ve been thinking about them a lot in these few days) and/or maybe write something for either Road or for Other Side (Rainne & Daryl are my eternal otp!!1).

I don’t know what brought this on, but I have a sneaking suspicion.

Shrinks halved my dosage of anti-psychotics and it might be that it’s not enough to contain my mania after all even tho the original dosage was quite small to begin with. But I don’t care. I want to stop taking the bloody pills alltogether. I hate taking them and they make me so bloody drowsy in the mornings.

I feel alive for the first time in like… I don’t even know. Happy times.

Randomness, pt. infinity

Saturday, September 10th, 2016

I’m fed up with running. At least fed up with running around the same track over and over again. I know I could be doing the tarmac, but my legs really don’t feel up to it. I tried it once and you know what, 1/10 cannot recommend. So today I went (even if i didn’t feel like it at first, but i ate a lot of pancakes and felt disproportionally guilty about it, so eh) and just pissed off to a different, a lot shorter round. I felt really good about it, so even if it means less calories burnt, I will run that shorter route until I get bored of that as well. Also with school schitt and all, it’s much easier to fit a half-hour run to my ridiculously busy schedule than a full hour.

I’ve been trying out a day-per-page planning style. I’m liking it so far. I’m having a go at the personal sized planner and it seems like I could make it work. If I decide to get the inserts from Filofax, I’m sort of worried about Saturdays and Sundays being on the same page, because I have up until now given a whole page for each of them too. I mean I keep a foodlog, to do -lists and all appointments and stuff in it, so it might get a bit crammed during the weekends. I kinda would like to switch to the personal size mostly because it would fit better in my bag, but then again, I have the pocket sized planner doubling as a wallet and that’s always with me. I’m not convinced I could fill up the a5 size with day per page, but on the other hand there would be plenty of space if there happens to be a lot of shit going on. *sigh* decisions, decisions. Luckily I have a few months until next year to try out both sizes and see how it turns out.

I’ve been to the shrink and my medication was reduced. Still no clue about the effects, because I went to the chemist to fill the perscription and they didn’t have my pills on them. So I have to wait until like Tuesday so they’ll get them in and then I’ll be on just about the smallest dose of anti-psychotics you can be. I’m looking forward to it, I think my lost writing mojo is due to the pills. And a bunch of other things too. So yay for that. I wish maybe down the line when I’ll be better at recognizing my triggers, I could go totally drug-free.

School has started at full force now and I still feel a bit confused about everything that is going on. Or rather everything I am supposed to remember to do, like enroll for classes (this was new compared to tech school) and what not. I have classes on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights mainly, and come mid-November, also on Saturdays. I’m quite fine with that so far, the only thing bothering me is how to fit my exercises in there. I’ve had to dump combat already, because it’s on Tuesday nights. I would have a lot of time during the daytime, but I have B, so that’s off the limits on most days. I’m however determined to manage two times at gym and at least one run per week in there somewhere.

But yea. This is what’s going on at the moment. I’m also rewatching The Killing, because Stephen Holder is my absolute favourite character in television ever. <3