Archive for January, 2011

Voice on a Hotline

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011

So you know, a few years back my thyroid became aware of its existence and apparently being the only organ in my body that does that, it became so proud it starteted swelling up. It did that until it became about the size of a ping pong ball (not really, kinda like a big-ish grape, but i love saying ping pong ball) and as a result, it was tested and poked and prodded. Nothing alarming there, it hadn’t turned into the Dark Side nor did it boost up any blood values (well it sort of did but the doctors told me i was “imagining the symptoms” and i wasn’t up for a fight then. surprising as it migt sound that moi would pass up a good fight, but i did), it just… sort of swoll up. Hence I suppose it just became aware and too proud.

What the swelling has effected, is my voice. Now don’t get me wrong, I know I’m not a teenager anymore and I should have a voice like a grown-up instead of a toddler, such as Justin Bieber (oh god, this is gonna pop up on some search). Some of you may not know but women also go through an awkward change of the voice in the teenage years. Not as awkward as quite many guys, but still do. It’s not that. I hardly think that my puberty skipped that part and nearly fifteen years later picked up on that with a “oh hey you know what, I forgot this one bit”. It’s the thyroid and its newly found self-pride. It’s pressing on my vocal chords just enough to make my voice sound a distant sort of a duck’s quack. (i’d like to think that it’s same sort of sexy hoarse-ish type that Demi Moore has. a girl can smooth things a bit, nay?) It’s mostly notable when I haven’t spoken for a while (let’s face it, that doesn’t happen too often) but one can hear it at all times. Because the most annoying feature is, that I’ve lost a part of my desibel register.

I can whisper, but everybody knows that whispering is annoying and can actually be heard a lot better than speaking quietly. Which is exactly what I cannot do anymore. I have to either speak out in a normal voice or whisper. I can’t get out a sound if I try speaking quietly. I don’t mean I have to shout or anything, but honestly, there are situations where it would be nice to be able to say something without everyone in the near proximity hearing. So if I try to be discreet, say like in a restaurant table, I end up sounding like a bagpipe with a hole in it. Bugger.

Funny thing about this all is that if I’ve slept in a “correct” position (ie. somehow have managed to sort of press the thyroid more against my throat) I sound like Barry White in the mornings. And that sometimes prompts me to make funny noises in the bathroom. Which in turn makes me giggle and you know when Barry White giggles…