Archive for February, 2012

Personality testing

Wednesday, February 29th, 2012

So I went to local unemployment office. They have a specialist titled “occupational psychologist” who is supposed to be helping me decide what I want to be when I grow up. Yes, I’m thinking re-education, because frankly, no IT jobs around here.

So anyway, I had an appointment with this specialist yesterday and it turned out to be an appointment of the testing kind. I was seated in a room infront of a computer and told to answer some questions. Three parts including a personality test (yea right) and a test about my working methods (what?). Personality test went thus: you have a statement and you answer either true or false. Most Finns know this as “driver’s licence written test”. So you have to answer if the statement itself is true or false and if you’re not careful, you get Admiral Ackbar’d.

There were a lot of statements. A lot. Seriously, over 200 of them and to be honest, most of the questions were pretty basic and you’d know what they would mean in the assessment, such as “I feel somewhat depressed at times.” and “I get annoyed when people joke about mistakes I’ve made.”. You know, you sort of know what answering true to either would tell about a person.

But one made me laugh out loud, and I told the specialist afterwards that it was possibly the stupidest question ever. It was “I have never felt the need to punch a person.”. Seriously? Anyone who answers true should be deemed as liar instantly. There is not one person who has never wanted to punch a bitch! Trust me, the need to punch stupid in the face is so deep within the human genes, that saying you’ve never felt the need to do that is a blatant lie. More so, if one has ever seen the internet.

Christ on fucking bike, I want to punch people on daily basis! What I wouldn’t give for a real working internet punch app.

Mental

Friday, February 17th, 2012

I’ve recently had the priviledge of getting a first hand experience on local mental health services. I was recommended to go “see someone” about the “trauma” I apparently have regarding the end of my latest employment a little over a year ago. Granted, I’ve noticed that I’ve not been too well after all the shit there was and frankly, I’ve felt a little more than just a bit broken. I am now “seeing someone” and that led me to think about mental health in general. You know, on a very general level that is familiar with really anyone.

Do you suppose people end up making friends with certain types of people all their lives? Or do you reckon there is a change in friends whenever there is a change in a person’s life, you know in a more bigger scale? I think both are true. Certain stages of life (let’s just take the most obvious: breeding) must in a way dictate the company one keeps. It’s just natural, it’s about the similar lifestyles and knowing that the people around you have been through the same things or are going through them.

On the other hand I think there is a certain type of person one ends up having in one’s life no matter the changes in life and what not. You know, that’s probably the biggest reason for people still hanging out with childhood friends. But other than that, I think there is a type of person (this person might even be different in different times) that one somehow gets used to having around. In both good and bad.

I’ve found out that I have always had in my life a person that is of the “good” kind. A person who brings me joy, fun and all the good things in life. But also I have the dark side of the spoon, so to speak, the friend that is a good person, but ends up sucking up my life force and generally being a vampire draining me out of all my mental strength. The reason why these kinds of ever-consuming friends are still my friends must be that they are -if balanced- still more constructive and supportive and of the good kind, if you will, than of the bad kind.

What I would like to know is why am I unable to rise up against the energy vampirism and just say no to their company, if and when I feel drained. Why am I avoiding conflict, when earlier I was ready to put up a fight? It’s not just good manners and the polite thing to do, since it obviously consumes me and has me in tears over the slightest of things.

I fear I may have become a bit of a doormat. And I don’t like myself when I’m like this.