Archive for September, 2015

Autumn

Thursday, September 24th, 2015

When it comes to seasons, I always tell people I like summer the best. But that’s not entirely accurate. I love summer, sure, but more the late summer – early autumn when the air is clear and sky is so blue it melts your eyeballs. And this year it’s been plenty of that. September is turning out to be statistically warmer than June and the leaves have only just begun to fall. Usually we’re having night frost and slippery mornings at this time of year.

Not this year.

I would love to call this indian summer, because I like the sound of that, but this is not indian summer, it’s just late summer. For a few days now, mostly because it has rained a few times (a luxury we had all june and july, but close to none on august or september) it has been smelling of earthworms. That’s a very specific smell you don’t get any other season besides autumn. It’s a mixture of dead populus suaveolens leaves being smashed under your foot, wet soil and autumn air. Earthworms. That’s the smell.

Days that smell like earthworms and days that smell like dying leaves are the ones that make me love autumn. It’s the most dangerous season for me, since I get a feeling I call Nuuskamuikkustus (Snufkining). I wander about on the edges of forests, open the cabinet my trekking gear is in and I feel like I should just … leave. I daydream of waking up at dawn near a river and sitting by the cold remnaints of last nights bonfire, the coffee mug sending twisting vapours up in the air, mixing with the vapour of my breathing. How the birds wake up and start screaming at the bright orb of hate in the sky. Then, after a while, I would pack up my gear and leave for the next stage of my journey.

Unlike some people, I like that it’s getting dark. We’ve had our three months of constant sunlight, I like the dark too. I’m one of the few I know who aren’t wishing for snow as soon as we’re past equinoxe. “But it’s so dark without it.” Eat me, we have artificial light, use it if it bothers you that much. I don’t mind the least bit. I can light candles and lanterns and sit on the porch in my woolly socks and drink tea.

That’s autumn to me. Wanting to leave, but staying because woolly socks, candles and tea.

What’s your favourite part of autumn?

Want

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2015

I don’t know if you (three) know this already, but I’m a bit of a planner nerd. I love my Kikki.K planner like I birthed it myself and I write everything down in it. Otherwise I would be lost. Sure, I have my phone calendar with alarms, but I can’t live without a paper calendar. Or indeed a planner.

I’ve customized it to my own needs. I don’t need an expenses section, because I track my (irresponsible) spending elsewhere. Planner is my happy place and personal economics isn’t something that makes me too happy. So I’ve changed the tab to meals. I love planning meals ahead. It’s also a great way to save not only money, but nerves, since you don’t have to hobble about the supermarket clueless, then end up home with two bags full of shit you didn’t even need because really you were only going to get some eggs. And a tube of Smarties.

I store in my planner all kinds of lists: books to read, things to search for more info, inspiration for my fitness project and so on. I have a ton of washi tapes and stickers to decorate it with and different coloured pens to mark different types of things on the pages. I use those same supplies to decorate my mood journal, which is a handy tool for tracking down triggers on my mood swings. I like that one to be pretty to look at as well.

Now that I’ve started to (finally) actually think about bringing some bread into this household by selling some of the shit I make, I need a planner for “business” things. I’m also going to move blogging related stuff to my new business planner, which I haven’t bought yet. I’ve got my eyes on this baby. I want it so badly. It’s pretty and large and shiny and everything. I want it. I. Want. It. I should buy it for me as a birthday present. (it’s on october 18th, hint hint)

Do you use planners or calendars?

No zen for you

Monday, September 21st, 2015

These days those wellbeing gurus keep on yapping how one should live in the now and not worry about past or future or really anything. It’s supposed to make one feel less stressed and give one a feeling of serenity.

Bollocks.

I’ve tried that and all it made me was more anxious than ever. I’m one of those people who worries about the future and needs to have not only plan B but also up to at least plan F. And at this moment I’m on like plan X and I still feel like shit.

Everybody keeps telling me that things will get better with the kid (who’s being an obnoxious ass) and all I have strength to do is ask “when, bitch?”. I’m tired of waiting. My nerves are completely wrecked and I’m tired all the time and snapping at people. People keep telling me I should enjoy these times because they’ll be short. Well not short enough for me. I’m not going to miss any of this, not one time washing the damn bottles, not one time changing a nappy and certainly not one time of waking up in the middle of the night just to guess what the problem might be this time.

Why can’t it be next year already? Why can’t I have nice things?

Shit on Sundays, part b

Sunday, September 20th, 2015

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Actually Thursday before last.
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Some more than others.
53. Is Christmas stressful? omg YES.
54. Ever eat a pierogi? No.
55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple.
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Teacher or lawyer. Turns out I became neither of those.
57. Do you believe in ghosts? Not as them being dead people.
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? A few times. It’s horrible.
59. Do you take a vitamin daily? Yes.
60. Do you wear slippers? Yes in the winter.
61. Do you wear a bath robe? Yes.
62. What do you wear to bed? Practical girl says jammies in the winter and none in the summer.
63. What was your first concert? U2 PopMart.
64. Walmart, Target, or Kmart? None.
65. Nike or Adidas? Nike.
66. Cheetos or Fritos? Cheetos!
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Peanuts.
68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? No, but they sound … very good. *pats self on the shoulder*
69. Ever take dance lessons? Once, a bit.
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? In a rock band. Woo. Got my wish!
71. Can you curl your tongue? Yes, in lots of creative and nasty ways.
72. Ever won a spelling bee? Finnish makes the most boring language to spell ever. No.
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes.
74. Own any record albums? Kids, I was there when the cd player was just a joy of the few.
75. Own a record player? Yes.
76. Do you regularly burn incense? No. I’m very sensitive to smells.
77. Ever been in love? Yes.
78. Who would you like to see in concert? Simple Minds. Wouldn’t mind seeing U2 again.
79. What was the last concert you saw? U2 360.
80. Hot tea or cold tea? What even is cold tea, you savages. Hot, like it’s supposed to be served.
81. Tea or coffee? TEA.
82. Sugar cookies or snickerdoodles? I don’t know exactly what either are, but they sound sweet so I’ll say both.
83. Can you swim well? Yes.
84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes. Is there a person who can’t? I’m sorry for you.
85. Are you patient? Fuck no.
86. DJ or band at a wedding? DJ.
87. Ever won a contest? I can’t remember that I would’ve. So no.
88. Have you ever had plastic surgery? No. But wouldn’t mind getting better boobs.
89. Which are better:black or green olives? If held to a gunpoint without the opportunity to say olives are Satan’s poop, black.
90. Can you knit or crochet? Badly.
91. Best room for a fireplace? Living room.
92. Do you want to get married? Not anymore.
93. If married, how long have you been married? Five years.
94. Who was your high school crush? Oh mate, this boy, who I’ve later understood was an asshat.
95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? Sometimes. 😀
96. Do you have kids? Yes.
97. Do you want kids? No. 😀
98. What is your favorite color? Black.
99. Do you miss anyone right now? My sister.
100. What are your most common tags? Joel Kinnaman. I’m a shameless screeching fangirl.

Hate

Monday, September 14th, 2015

For the latter part of summer, here in Finland, the news have been mostly covering the refugee situation in Europe. As the civil war in Syria gets worse day by day, more people are fleeing to neighbouring countries and to Europe, mainly to Germany and Italy. Some of them have also found their way to Finland, through Sweden. The amount of people looking for asylum has surprised every governmental instance and refugee organisations have been forced to whip up accommodation for more people than ever, in a shorter time than ever. This has caused a lot of clashing with the local population.

But why?

It seems quite unreasonable, for a Finn at least, that young men in their twenties are fleeing their homes and not fighting for their homeland. Nobody ever says women or children aren’t welcome, it’s always “why the young men?”. I don’t claim to really understand the situation in Syria, far be it, but I can surely grasp the concept of a country, that has on one side a dictator who terrorizes his own people, on another a disgusting terrorist gang whose apparent focus is on making up ever more disgusting ways of killing people, and then you have two or three other gangs all equally hard to morally support. And they all fight eachother. How do you “fight for your country” in that? Everyone shoots everyone and if you’re not interested in joining any of the questionable parties, you will face an execution along with your family. Wouldn’t you basically haul ass? Don’t lie, you would, in a heartbeat.

I understand that it’s hard to understand. War would be much easier if there would be two sovereign countries fighting with each other. But it’s not. It’s a clusterfuck. And from this clusterfuck, people are fleeing. Across the Mediterranean with a dinghy. It’s not exactly a cruise, is it.

I understand that it’s hard to accept different kind of people, hell, most Finns don’t even accept their neighbour because that motherfucker mows his lawn at ten in the morning instead of noon, when normal people have just had their morning brew.

What I don’t understand is the language that people have grown accustomed to use, both on the internet and face to face. People calling refugees pests, like they’re rats or cockroaches or something vile. Something that you have to disinfect your clothes for. In what dimension it’s ok to talk about people like they’re not persons, not human? I’m not stupid, this is not my first time around the block, I know there are problems when two decidedly different cultures meet (or clash, if you want), of course there are, when there are problems even with people from the same culture clashing (i haven’t forgiven the lawn mowing bastard). But in order to solve problems, there must be discussion.

But it’s not discussion if you start with forgetting that this is people, human beings you’re talking about.