No zen for you

These days those wellbeing gurus keep on yapping how one should live in the now and not worry about past or future or really anything. It’s supposed to make one feel less stressed and give one a feeling of serenity.

Bollocks.

I’ve tried that and all it made me was more anxious than ever. I’m one of those people who worries about the future and needs to have not only plan B but also up to at least plan F. And at this moment I’m on like plan X and I still feel like shit.

Everybody keeps telling me that things will get better with the kid (who’s being an obnoxious ass) and all I have strength to do is ask “when, bitch?”. I’m tired of waiting. My nerves are completely wrecked and I’m tired all the time and snapping at people. People keep telling me I should enjoy these times because they’ll be short. Well not short enough for me. I’m not going to miss any of this, not one time washing the damn bottles, not one time changing a nappy and certainly not one time of waking up in the middle of the night just to guess what the problem might be this time.

Why can’t it be next year already? Why can’t I have nice things?

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