State of the Nation, mid-April

Today I’m feeling sane enough to put at least something down in actual words and not just scream continuously into the void. More on that later, probably, but now:

At this very moment I am

– enjoying a well needed time on my own. Like for fuck’s sake, it’s been weeks since I’ve had the opportunity to just sit down and think about fuck-all if I so choose. Life. I swear to god.

– thinking about the upcoming task of redesigning everything up in here and how to divide shit between s-m.org and my new baby, rika-rika.xyz, a domain that my lovely hosting company sold me by dangling Fassbender infront of me. I know! Rude! (but i fell for it so good job guys)

– eating a veggie-satay-wok type of thingy. This is so good I think I could literally stuff 5 pounds of this down my face and still crave for more.

– drinking water. Because I need to drink it. I’m not gonna fit into my bike gear if I keep slobbing out like this.

– wearing my pajama pants and a proper, day-wear shirt. Yea, haven’t been able to bother yet. It’s only noon, so…

– listening to a few songs on repeat. Ariana Grande’s Into You for some AU smutty inspiration (you wouldn’t believe… no wait, you would, yea you would), Into the Fire by Thirteen Senses because feels and a Finnish singer-songwriter Lauri Tähkä doing a cover of one of my favourite Finnish songs, Tämä Rakkaus. I mean the original by Chisu hurts like a motherfucker, but this version? On a completely whole another level, it’s fucking devastating.

– wanting to order something online, just to cheer me up a bit, but I (thankfully) end up putting stuff in the cart and then closing the browser window.

– weather-wise it’s looking good this moment. There’s still a fuckton of snow on the ground, but temperature gauge says that won’t be the case for too long.

– feeling fucking messed-up. I mean honestly, seriously, I’m so fucked-up I don’t even have words to describe it. But me being me, when anyone asks, I’ll just go


*sigh*

– wondering why it isn’t possible in Finland to just sign in to a clinic for a month to just fucking recharge yourself.

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