Challenge

April 2nd, 2017

Ok so there’s a Fassbender birthday challenge going on on Twitter and somewhat in Instagram as well. I’m way too chatty to be posting the steps over either, so I thought why not utilize a blog when one has one. Also, you lot don’t give two shits anyway what I post about and you can just easily go ‘meh’ and close the window and come back later to see if I’ve blabbered something else. So, here we go.

#HappyBirthdayFassy & #FassyBirthdayChallenge

1. Favourite Fassy movie – Urgh. A tie? Between Assassin’s Creed, Macbeth and X-Men: First Class? I mean I have such feelings for Erik Lehnsherr it’s not even funny. Also, are we talking about favourite performances, like what’s the best performance? Because then either Shame or 12 Years a Slave.
2. Favourite Fassy look – Cannes 2015 Macbeth photocall, no question.


3. Favourite Fassy photoshoot – Either the one I half-inched the photo for the post below this one or indeed the John Russo shoot for Twentieth Century Fox at the end of 2016.
4. Favourite Fassy co-star – James McAvoy. They have such chemistry both on screen and off it’s just incredible. Perfect casting for Charles and Erik. I love how they are two giant dorks.
5. Favourite Fassy director – Gah. I mean I love Steve McQueens stuff, I love how he uses super long scenes and he has this incredible sense of aesthetic, but mate, Justin Kurzel is my favourite. He’s a visionary genious, I’m telling you. I mean:

6. Favourite Fassy moment – This:


7. Favourite things about Fassy – He seems to not take himself too seriously. I mean sure he takes his job pretty seriously, but like… not in interviews and shit. He’s not afraid to be a big, dumb dork.
8. Fassy collection – A few films on dvd/blu-ray, an Assassin’s Creed poster and a lot of pictures and videos on my hard drive. I’m not really into collecting stuff, other than films and pictures in digital form.
9. Favourite red carpet moment – Probably the London premiere of X-Men: Days of Future Past. With Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart. Yea, that.
10. Why am I a Fassinator – Firstly, I hate the word. I hate fandom names. I don’t know why, but they make me dry heave. But why am I a fan? Because he’s probably the most talented actor of my generation. And he seems like a cool guy. And he’s not hard on the eyes either.



Happy birthday, bby

April 2nd, 2017


Fassy B


Happy 40th birthday, you gorgeous fucker!



Fic update

March 27th, 2017

I know you’ve been desperately waiting on my updates on how my story is going (have we? -you, yes you have -me). I can tell you I’m doing some editing at the moment, since the plot took an unexpected turn and I’ve yet to calculate a new route. It’s honestly a minor setback, but I’ve been somewhat preoccupied with a lot of shit lately, mainly this thing I hate called ‘actual life’. I know, I seem to have one. Strange times.

But yea, I’m safely sitting at 60 000+ words (and 100+ pages but that really isn’t a suitable measure of anything) and there is probably about 20 000 to come. Could be less, could be more, but that’s where I’d throw the estimate.

I’m also plotting an AU for this fic. For pwp purposes. (watch me crash and burn) Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.

-Wait wait wait. How the hell has he managed to get up and cook? We’ve barely managed to ooze out of bed and order in.
-Some of us didn’t drink like they had cotton for mouth, you derelict drunks. But that’s not relevant.

****

-Don’t even start, she closed her eyes in order not to see his stupidly sexy smirk and his eyefuck levels turning into seven million. –I’m not even remotely in the condition to have you ravage me.
spoiler: she will be

****

And because everything needs to hurt:

And he was out the door, shouting something at Gary and she was slowly falling down to the floor, because her knees gave way and she was crying, trying to gasp in air between sobs and it felt like someone was ripping her heart out from her chest.

Now, back to editing and recalculating route.



U2 and why it hurts

March 15th, 2017

My lovely Peej from tumblr started a project in which she collects little snippets out of U2 songs, she calls them aphorisms and I call them snippets, because I’m a vulgar. She says

I don’t know if all of these can really be considered aphorisms. To me, some of them are kind of prayerful, some are little epiphanies, and some are bitter observations.

And I’m here for these. I’m so here for these, because this one time, a long time ago (in a galaxy far far away) I bought the newly released album How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb and I listened to it a lot. A LOT. I remember driving around a few nights, crying like a lost child (for matters unrelated to U2) and listening to mostly a song called A Man and A Woman. Yea I know, what a shitty title. There’s a part of the lyric that goes

The only pain is to feel nothing at all
How can I hurt when I’m holding you?

and when you first listen to it (is this a good time to remind you guys that lyrics are the last part of a song that i pay attention to? well) you think oh, that’s nice, he feels so much for her that it’s a ridiculous idea to feel any pain holding her. And that’s what I thought of it, because that’s what the rest of the lyrics imply. Until one sleepless night (one of several, i remember) I sat at my desk, probably reading something stupid or writing something stupid or generally doing something stupid, when it hit me. The other way of reading that bit of lyric. Like it is an actual question, how can I hurt when I’m holding you? How is it possible that I’m hurting when I’m holding you. That other way. And I fucking lost it, I was lying on the floor, holding on to the carpet, trying not to drown in my feels. Because really, have you ever felt so hollow, so numb that you felt nothing? Imagine feeling like that when you hold someone you thought you loved. I mean… fuck.

Anyways, on the first list of Peej’s aphorisms (the one before wasn’t, these are) are a few lines that may or may not end up as tattoos on my toilet wall of a skin. The first one is again from A Man and A Woman. (peej even dedicated this to me, i mean really, how awesome are my internet people? they get me, ya feel me?)

When the soul wants, the soul waits.

This is very personal to me, it hits home so devastatingly hard. I will not in any circumstances tell how or why, but it just does. It’s gut-wrenching and my heart feels like it’s being food-processed, but it’s important to me.

The other that is very particular to me is from City of Blinding Lights (another favourite of mine from How to Dismantle)

I’ve seen you walk unafraid.

It’s really a callout for myself. I used to be so unafraid, I used to be outgoing and social and all that. And I’m not anymore. I’m afraid all of the time that I’m not enough, or that I’m too much. I used to be so unapologetically me, the muppet that I am. But now? It seems like everytime I get excited about things, I’m the only one and I get these dubious looks from everyone (except my internet people) and I find myself wanting to just live as a recluse in my home. When did I start caring? When did I start giving a fuck? I want to see myself walking unafraid again. I need to see myself walking unafraid again.

There are a few other lines, not on her list (not yet at least) that are very, very meaningful to me. One of my absolute favourites is

When I was all messed up
And I had opera in my head
Your love was a light bulb
Hanging over my bed

from Ultra Violet. A lyric that has saved my life from a song that has saved my life from the album that has saved my life. All the darkness that was surrounding me and the one light in there, the one that kept me going, the one that held me through it all.

There’s

I love you ’cause I need to, not because I need you

from Luminous Times and it fucking makes me weep. Once again, very personal on a very core level. It’s a fundamental truth I once realised about myself and that’s all I have to say about that.

And if I could tattoo the feeling that the song The Unforgettable Fire gives me, I would. I can feel my fucking soul ascending hearing that song. It’s hope after despair, it’s a light in the dark, it’s forgiveness after you’ve fucked up everything.

And these are among the reasons that U2 hurts so bad, yet so good. If you’ve never loved a band passionately, you won’t be able to understand this.

But if you have, you do.



No, pt II

March 13th, 2017

I’ve been so unstable the whole of today (well, really yesterday as i notice looking at the time, but whatever, i haven’t been sleeping so it’s still officially today in my books) that it really is a miracle I’ve not ran to a field to scream for an hour. Or ten.

I finished up a birthday project thingywotsit, a thing that was supposed to be a drawing, but ended up being a letter and I already got some feedback on it and it made me feel very good about myself. I’ve been on a Twitter rampage, because I can’t really rage on Facebook, because that’s just stupid. Twitter is, when you’re not hashtaging, like shouting into the void and that’s pretty much what I want most of the times with my rants. It serves my purpose of the inexplicable need to have a public meltdown. I’ve been engaging in a lovely conversation with a fellow U2er over at tumblr and even tho I think it’s a blue hellsite, the people are wonderful, they’re lovely and they sometimes contribute a lot to keeping me at least somewhat sane.

So thank you, internet people. Once again you’ve come to my rescue.