So 2020, huh?

November 9th, 2020

I think we can all safely say that pretty much everything that we said about 2020 on the last eve of 2019 went tits up by the end of March. That is of course unless you were thinking of going for a bath with a toaster by the beginning of February and indeed did just that. If so, I congratulate you on achieving your goals for this year, you certainly are in the vast minority.

I didn’t think I would leave most of my groceries at the market and end up feeling like an inflated balloon (mentally, physically i’m if anything, even more inflated than before, yay /sarcasm), but here we are, good while into November and I have done literally fuck all this year.

But, that is something that I’ve been thinking a lot lately, the productivity trap. We are constantly bombarded with the idea that we have to be productive 24/7, even sleep is made to be something that you can (and should) monitor so that you’d sleep better and more efficient. I fell into that trap, filling my calendar with lists of tasks I would never get done in a day, because realistically even I have the standard 24 hours in a day, even with this shitshow of a brain that needs less sleep than most people. And when I didn’t get those tasks done, I’d feel like a complete failure.

Now, don’t get me wrong, my tasks weren’t “clean the whole house”, “re-pot every plant I have” or “invent a cure for literally every disease in the entire universe”, no, I’d have tasks like eat, drink water, please for the love of god drink water or go through your unnecessarily big inventory of mascaras and throw away those that are dried up. Everything became a massive task, a mountain the size of Everest to climb. And then even starting at them became too much.

And still I felt like I had to be productive and perform self-care, as stupid as that sounds.

So one day I just… stopped. I did fuck all for a week, just haunted my apartment with a teacup in my hand, spending countless hours just watching youtube, listening to music and very much concentrating on doing absolute nothing that would even hint at productivity.

It felt fucking magnificent.

And as you might have guessed, it started to feel too good, you know? I was getting too comfortable in my mangy cardigan and bunny slippers. Too comfortable, because I knew I had to get out sometime soon. Unfortunately even I have shit to do in the outside world and as much as I would like to, I can’t be a complete recluse.

But I had learned something. Something important, that I hadn’t thought of before: productivity is shit. It’s complete bollocks. It’s an idea that society wants to back, because then it can eke out the last bit of everyone, chew them up and then throw away. I don’t want to do that, I don’t want to be a productive person 24/7/365, no, I simply refuse. And I think more people should refuse, because the way things are going, the future isn’t looking too good.

Do things that matter to you, do a lot, but don’t think less of people who choose to do less. Life isn’t about gaining wealth or being the King Shit on Mount Dung or doing productive things just to be productive. Yea sure, there are things you need to do and things you should do and doing them isn’t a bad thing, the bad thing is making every aspect of your life productive and a measurable quantity. When you get out of the productivity trap, you’ll be less annoyed with the things that need to be done and more satisfied with the things you choose to do.

I’ve found an unprecedented happiness in doing the absolute minimum. Don’t perform your life.

Live it.

Is this thing on?

November 3rd, 2020

you would think after almost 20 years I would have this coding thing sorted.

But no. Oh no.